Fiction Friday - 09-14-07

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This Week’s Theme: Write from the Point of View of an Inanimate Object Tomatoes! Tomatoes! Tomatoes! Tomatoes are everywhere! All over the counters, the kitchen table, the colanders and strainers are full of them. The dishwasher is full of freezer containers with their lids and canning jars -- all for the tomatoes! You'd think there was nothing else in the world right now, except T O M A T O E S ! Argh! Tomatoes in the cupboards. Tomatoes in the saucers. Tomatoes in the dishwasher. Tomatoes in the bathtub. Will it never end? Will they ever go away? Will I ever see bread again? Ever since those horrid red (and some of them are yellow too) things started coming in here, I haven't seen a loaf of bread! Almost as soon as it comes through the door, the bread gets used for tomato sandwiches. Oh, the Miracle Whip comes and goes; the salt, I see it being used and put back where it belongs. But the bread? It doesn't last long enough for me to see it -- well, I "see" it on the counter or on the cutting board or on a plate. But do I get any of it? NO! Those horrid red tomatoes! With glee, however, I anticipate the agony the freezer, in the garage, will experience once all those tomatoes end up in there. HA HA HA. Mua HA HA HA! If they try to make me hold any of those nasty things, I'll just shut right down and turn the ice cream to milk and the eggs to sulpher bombs. MUA HA HA HA. I'll make a racket when my motor and compressor turn on, I'll shake so hard the magnets all fall off my door and the eggs scramble in their shells. I'll freeze the lettuce in the crisper and warm the milk on the door; I'll spit ice cubes all over the floor in the middle of the night out the ice dispenser, and piddle on the floor by making the water dispenser leak or the self-defrost line out could just happen to clog up ... Oh, I am so wicked. But those horrid red things just bring out the beets -- oops, beast -- in me! -- (c) 2007 The Fridge ALL RIGHTS RESERVED (including the right to make those horrid red things toxic if I can just figure out how to do it)

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